Jokes in English
Jokes in English
Wpisany przez Administrator   
Sobota, 08 Październik 2011 21:00

What do a blonde and a car have incommon? They can both drive you crazy.


A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, `Can I help you?`
`Yeah, I`ve come to activate your phone lines.`


A young man is wandering around the zoo looking at the animals. He suddenly remembers about an appointment that he scheduled. Unfortunately, he forgot his watch. He searches for someone who could give him the time.
He sees a zoo keeper standing next to an elephant. `Excuse me, sir,` says the young man `Do you know what time it is?`
The zoo keeper reaches under the elephant, grabs his balls and starts playing with them.
`Mmmmm, it is about 3:00,` the zoo keeper responds.
The young man looks at him in awe, `How did you know that?` The zoo keeper looks back at the man, `I looked at the clock on the wall right behind you.`


What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.


What do you call a poodle with no legs? A sponge.


What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.


Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because the sound of zippers scares the sheep away.


There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.
One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up.
Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived.
Who died and who lived?
The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves aren`t real.